Is therapy right for me?
Some clients know exactly what they want to work on and come in with a very specific agenda and goals. Other clients are aware that they want to grow and change - that they aren't as fulfilled, content, or inspired as they'd like to be - but they don't know exactly how or what needs to change. My office is a space for either. We all want a place where we can be heard, seen, and understood without judgment or shame, and it's my passion to be that place for people.
There are many reasons people come to therapy, some examples of which are:
Couples counseling
Working through grief or trauma
Issues around self-esteem
Dealing with huge life transitions at any stage of life
Addressing sexual concerns, including but not limited to infidelity, sexual addiction or sexual compulsivity, lack of arousal, or general shame around sex.
Dealing with cultural, ethnic, religious, gender, or identity discrimination
Being in and negotiating unconventional relationships
Issues around family or origin and difficult family dynamics
Career decisions
Finding meaning and fulfillment in life
What if I’m scared of therapy?
For some clients, the things we discuss in therapy are very difficult or scary things to discuss. Going into that vulnerable place requires incredible courage, and I will be your guide and your tether in that process. You don't have to go alone.
It's not uncommon for clients to be afraid to disclose embarrassing or uncomfortable things to their clinician; this can include distracting and unwanted thoughts and feelings during sessions, disclosures of regression, or even feeling hurt or misunderstood by the therapist. It's my goal to help clients feel they can embark on these interactional challenges with me in my office and I will respond with the honor and respect these disclosures deserve. These very interactions are in themselves therapeutic because therapy is a microcosm of life itself, and one important gain clients can make is being able to share what they need to with people who are important to them and have that message received with respect and compassion.
Therapeutic relationship between therapist and couples
Many people feel concerned that if they go to couples' therapy, the therapist will act as arbiter of right and wrong and may side with their partner against them. The modality of couples work I practice, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, does not work that way; rather, I work to form an attachment with each individual in the couple and understand how what they feel and how they behave within their relationship makes perfect sense. It is important both individuals feel understood and seen for who they truly are. Simultaneously, I am tracking a relationship cycle to help the couple see how certain behaviors within the relationship form a pattern. This pattern will be based on each person's attachment style, their significant attachments throughout their lives, and the history of their current relationship. Finally, we work together to begin to experientially change the way these patterns play out. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is based in attachment theory and is one of the only evidence based couples' therapies that exist. To learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy, please visit https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/
Do we need couples therapy?
Have you ever thought, "we love each other so much, but we can't stop fighting" or "somehow, I always feel a distance between us"? If so, you're not alone. Many couples who truly love each other struggle with not knowing how to change their interactions that leave them feeling at odds or like adversaries instead of a team. The modality of couples therapy that I practice is called emotionally focused therapy; it was created by Sue Johnson, and I studied under Elana Katz to learn this heartfelt practice which honors the very real emotions and attempts at solutions that each person in the relationship is embodying. I work to fully understand the experience of each person so we can then step back and and see the full picture of how this plays out through experiential techniques from a place where we feel we can be truly ourselves and be understood. This modality is so effective because it honors the experience of both very rational, logic-driven people and emotional, heart-lead people, often giving them a framework to relate that they've never had before. It is my goal to help people feel understood and supported to grow into new spaces they've never explored before and empower them to interact with the person they love most in a new way that helps them feel the love and connection they've been longing for.
To learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy, please visit https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/
What if we don't really fight?
Some couples don't fight, and so it can feel like nothing is wrong enough to go to therapy. However, sometimes in an effort to be conflict avoidant, we can avoid uncomfortable conversations that would actually bring us closer together. For these couples, it can feel like a tranquil but lonely relationship, where they long to feel connected, but don't know how. If it continues on this way without working to reengage with each other, sometimes the distance can grow so great that the relationship eventually ends, and one or both individuals finds themselves wondering what might have happened if they'd sought out therapy before things got so far. Coming to therapy for this couple can feel especially scary because a part of them prefers to avoid conflict; if this is the case for you, I would suggest you set up a session with your partner to see if the therapist makes you both feel safe; is so, this is the perfect environment to begin stepping into uncomfortable, but important conversations, because you will both have the support of the therapist to begin engaging this way, which really helps ease tensions for both people in the couple.